Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
