I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
