he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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