I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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