The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
