summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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