pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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