Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
