haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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