i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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