If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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