Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
