Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
