When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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