I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love having hate sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
