Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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