All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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