My hand turned me down
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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