so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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