so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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