if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
