I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
