She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
