I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
