wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize