We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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