clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
