why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
