his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
