My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
