8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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