a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sorry about my life...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
