I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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