i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
