just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
