the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
