Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
