I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
