Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
