I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
