found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Found the puke drawer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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