You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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