you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
