I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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