did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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