Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
