Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
