I hope mine doesn't look like that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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