I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
