His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
