I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
