Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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