I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
