You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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