Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
