i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
