I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
