well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This baby is an asshole
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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