I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
