Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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