My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
