i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
