can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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