the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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