from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
