sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
