So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
