oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
