Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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