i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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