We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Small penises have feelings too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
