so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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