So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
