why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
bring money and cleavage
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
