i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
