i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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