some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
