You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Randomize
