i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
