does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
