i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
