I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
