Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
