I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
