he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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