somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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