Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
