Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
