i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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