So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
