She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
