I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
