And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
