he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
