Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
