I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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