dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
