The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
