i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
