Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i have two assholes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize